Some of you may recall that last year I attended a Mixed Martial Arts event (review), followed by the Chippendales (review). As I stated in my MMA review I believe I had failed the “maleness test,” since I actually enjoyed the Chippendales show compared to the MMA fights. In fact, my MMA review received some pretty heated email exchanges between me and a few of the fighters who didn’t take too kindly to my comparison of a Chippendales show to an MMA fight.
So this year I set out to see if I could muster the courage to try and pass the maleness test. This year would be different! I had the perfect strategy going in – my wife!
Yes, I figured I could bring my wife along, and once she started drooling over all the eye candy my jealous side would kick in and, voila, we would get into a good ole fight, leave in a huff, and have great make up sex the next day.
Now if you’ve never been to a Chippendales show, there’s a whole different kind of energy from the all-female audience. Yes, there is a smattering of males, usually gay, or whipped (if you get my meaning), but for the most part it’s nothing but women, which is why I enjoy the show – no seriously!
As the show opened with Chippendale dancers Jace Crispin, Chaun Thomas, John Rivera, Kenny King, Nathan Minor, Sami Eskelin, all coming out on stage showing off their wares, I was keeping an eye on Ruth (that’s my wife), to make sure that she wasn’t feeling that different kind of energy. While she had a smirk, I didn’t detect any outright drooling, at least for the moment, nor was she diving at the stage like most of the women.
As the show continued with the men ripping off their orange speedos (Ruth’s favorite color) they would strategically cover themselves with hats, hands or whatever was handy. I think Thunder Valley should spend a little more money on their heating system, because it looked like it might have been a little chilly in Pano Hall – I’m just saying.
Making their way through the audience, the men would stop and perform a quick little grinding action with some of the women. As they did, all the other women would scream, cheer, grab, and just downright go nuts trying to get a piece of the guys – that’s part of that special kind of energy I was referring to earlier.
At one point several women were asked onstage to act out different scenarios. One did her best lap dance, another demonstrated her favorite “position”, while another showed off her ability to place a condom on . . . a banana. Each woman performed their tasks with one of the Chippendales.
Of course the show wouldn’t be complete without the men coming out dressed as firemen, and construction workers.
It did get a tad risqué as several of the men went through the motions of masturbating. One was on a bed with a pillow while the other two were in chairs. It was at this point I realized I had forgotten about Ruth. I turned around and saw that she was laughing at me!
After the show Ruth told me she couldn’t help but laugh, since as I was drooling for the better part of the show. Damn, I hate that different kind of energy!!!
OMG! I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to write this after the Chippendale’s performance at Thunder Valley Casino Resort Wednesday night.
It was only after taking a cold shower and having a glass ““ scratch that ““ a bottle of wine that I was able to start thinking clearly.
What? No! The water heater went out and a “glass” of wine is how I like to end my day.
My intent on writing this is to warn any unsuspecting women who may decide to take in a show like the Chippendales’. Don’t. Seriously, nobody liked the show!
It was quite obvious that every woman in the place, which was around 99.9 percent of the people, couldn’t stand the show. I couldn’t believe it! I was completely dumbfounded. They were screaming “Get off!” almost the entire show. The Chippendales never got the message. They stayed onstage the whole time!
The strange thing is when they finally ended the show and did get off the stage, all the women started screaming “More, more, more.” I know, I find women confusing, too. They say one thing and mean another. (Come to think of it, they may have been screaming “Take it off!”)
As for the men onstage, I felt bad for these guys. It appeared to be a little chilly in the room, but that didn’t seem to dampen their enthusiasm. All I can say is I was feeling a tad inadequate at this point.
The biggest criticism I have of the show? It was the most disgusting display of pure
animalistic behavior I have ever witnessed. It was really quite a sight to see. None of the women could keep it together. They were falling over in the aisles, standing on chairs, trying to get back stage, onstage, or anywhere close to those big hunks. Now hold on a minute! I’m only referring to them as big hunks because I know that’s how women refer to those large glistening bodies of pure muscle and all their gyrating ways.
I will say there was definitely an excitement in the air as the show progressed, but it’s difficult for me to explain the atmosphere. I liken it to when I receive a package from FedEx that I have to sign for because I know it’s got to be something really cool, otherwise I wouldn’t have to sign for it. Well, that’s the way all the ladies were acting, but I guess they weren’t interested in a FedEx package.
Speaking of packages ““ the Chippendales were the complete package, with eight of the most physically perfect male dancers all competing for the audience’s attention, all dressed in their trademark bow ties and shirt cuffs with bare torso, at least some of the time.
The opening was quite dramatic with the stage dark and ominous and smoke filling the air. One by one they took center stage with a lone spotlight lighting their muscular curves and superior physique. Is it getting hot in here?
The first few routines found these delectable morsels stripping down to pretty much nothing ““ why do I keep writing like this? Delectable morsels? Now I’m starting to worry.
As each layer came off, the decibel levels in Pano Hall rose exponentially. People were gathering outside trying to get a glimpse of the show. Quite the curious crowd.
A couple of times during the show, they danced around the audience, going down aisles and over chairs. One of the Chippendales was looking for someone to give an autographed poster to. He found her when he exclaimed she deserved it for grabbing his penis. Yes ““ there you have it. I said it, now it’s out there for all to see.
Several people had the opportunity to jump onstage. In one case three ladies were in a game show where they were told to complete a task. The first one had to perform her best lap dance on one of the Chippendales. The second had to demonstrate her favorite position when making love, and the third had to demonstrate her favorite way of putting on a condom. The third won due to her technique and the timely fashion of completing her task. Oh ““ I should clarify. She put it on a banana.
This was definitely ladies’ night out. There were a few men in attendance, and you could tell which ones were straight. They were carrying a ball and chain and didn’t look all too happy. I believe my count was two husbands/significant others in attendance.
The show was so successful that Thunder Valley had to provide additional seats to accommodate the larger-than-expected crowd.
After the show, the Chippendales remained onstage so audience members could have their photos taken with their favorites. I declined. They also announced they would be going to Thunder Valley’s Falls Bar for an after-party. [Insert loud cheers here.]
So at the end of the day I feel like I was able to embrace my inner gayness and survive. As I’m sitting here writing this, I’m convinced that I have no lingering side effects from the show.
Well I have to go. I just started to redecorate the house and have to put up these curtains that are simply to die for. And if you think that’s something, wait until you see my new landscape design. We can talk about it over the nice gourmet meal that I’m preparing.
To all my gay friends, including my kids god parents – no offense! Next time Dean, your coming with.
Girls’ night out at Power Balance Pavilion
Local radio station V101.1 hosted the Freestyle Explosion at Power Balance Pavilion, with radio personality Dr. Don Sainte-Johnn as the emcee and Expose headlining. Giving Expose top billing was a brilliant idea, since they are credited for bringing the freestyle genre of music to the forefront back in the ’80s.
The Freestyle Explosion revisits the freestyle sound that was popular in the late ’80s and early ’90s, an underground mixture of Latin hip-hop, electronic supplementation and the occasional house grooves. Despite their brief stint in the spotlight, the artists who brought freestyle music to the masses have been immortalized on the club circuit, with a die-hard fan base throughout Europe and in most major cities in the United States.
Friday night was definitely girls’ night out, as hundreds of women packed into Power Balance Pavilion, with a few guys dragged along, to see Expose, Lisa Lisa, Shannon, Debbie Deb and Cynthia. And there was some eye-candy thrown in for the ladies, like Johnny O, and Nice & Wild.
First up was David Torres, one of the three original members of Nice & Wild. He opened with “Diamond Girl,” gyrating across the stage, much to the delight of all the women. I’m not so sure the guys were happy with the opening, but, hey, they could have grown a pair and stayed home. I found his vocals flat, but he put on a good show.
Next up was Cynthia singing a medley of her hits, including “Change on Me” and “Gonna Get Over You.” She was less energetic than the others, but she made up for it with her stellar vocals.
Following Cynthia was Johnny O singing a medley of his hits, which included “Fantasy Girl.” He was joined by Cynthia, and together they performed a great rendition of “Dream Boy/Dream Girl.” Johnny O was very energetic, eliciting screams from all the women and a few men “” but I’m sure you’ll never hear them admit it.
Debbie Deb came out with three ladies from the audience. She only introduced them as her backup dancers, without mentioning anyone by name. She sang two of her hits, “Lookout Weekend” and “When I Hear Music.” She sounded great.
The Cover Girls, consisting of Evelyn Escalera, Lorrain Munoz and Sabrina Nieves, came out singing “Wishing on a Star” and a number of other hits, ending with “Inside Outside.” They did a great job and had some old-school choreography going, which I think is just classy.
Shannon came out and sang several of her hits, closing with “When I Hear Music.” Prior to taking the stage, several enlisted soldiers were introduced to the crowd. Shannon and Debbie Deb had performed in Iraq, where she met Specialist Gonzalez, Sargent Gray and Specialist Bradford.
I spoke to Bradford prior to the show, as he was sipping his cocktail ““ compliments of Shannon. Hailing from the 49th Military Police Brigade, Bradford first met Shannon at Camp Liberty. He said Shannon committed to the troops during her visit in Iraq, and that they were welcome at any show, wherever she was playing. As she tours across the country, her tour manager has been keeping in touch via Facebook and phone, letting troops know her schedule and arranging VIP passes. All three soldiers wanted to be sure I mentioned how thankful they were to Shannon for giving them the opportunity.
Shannon danced with the soldiers during her performance. Having two left feet, as I do, Bradford struggled with his moves, but he gave it a valiant effort. Both Gonzalez and Gray were having a great time, getting down with Shannon.
After a brief intermission, the concert really took off with Lisa Lisa jumping up on stage. She played a number of hits, including “Can You Feel the Beat,” “Lost in Emotion” and “Kiss Your Tears Away.” She had the audience up on their feet the entire set. She sounded great, while her two male dancers rocked the stage. She looked like she was having a great time, showing us her infectious smile. From my perspective, Lisa Lisa should have been headlining, but I get it.
Finally Expose arrived singing “Seasons Change.” They sounded good and had a well-choreographed routine going. They sang several hits,
ending with “Point of No Return.” While they did a fantastic job entertaining the crowd, I believe Lisa Lisa stole the show. By the time they were finished, many people had already started leaving. This may have been due to the concert going well past 11:30 p.m.
It was fun watching young and old enjoy a bit of old-school music. I didn’t mind either. Let’s face it “” there was a bit of eye-candy there for the guys, too.
This band has been through trials and tribulations throughout their 30+ year history, but continue going strong.
Join lead singer Johnny Van Zant and crew as they play hit after hit including “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Gimme Three Steps,” “Simple Man,” “Saturday Night Special,” and “Free Bird”
Checkout all the women who made the 80′s music scene including Expose’ with their hits “Seasons Change,” “Come Go With Me,” and “Point of No Return”.
Then there’s Lisa Lisa with their smash hits “Head to Toe,” “I Wonder If I Take You Home,” “Let the Beat Hit ‘Em.”
But wait!! There’s more! Scheduled to appear are :
DEBBIE DEB (“Lookout Weekend”)
THE COVER GIRLS “(Show Me”)
SHANNON “(Let The Music Play”)
JOHNNY O (“Fantasy Girl”)
CYNTHIA (“Change On Me”)
NICE AND WILD (“Diamond Girl”)
Lucky for Sacramento the decision was made to extend the tour and added additional locations including Power Balance Pavilion. This is an exciting package that includes: co-headliners Buckcherry and Papa Roach with Puddle of Mudd, P.O.D., Red, Crossfade and Drive A.
Papa Roach frontman Jacoby Shaddix says, “I’m f**king super-stoked to be on this tour. Hey! How can you not want to go with an endorsement like that.
Featuring Quang Dung, Y Lan, Bang Kieu, Toc Tien, Tuan Anh , Vu Khanh, Huong Thuy, Trieu Minh, Truc Linh, and Truc Lam
With MCs: Leyna Nguyen & Trinh Hoi
Comedians: Bao Liem & Bao Vy